Chapter Contents
- Showing Affection
- Guidance on Touch
- Photographs and Videos
- Extended Family and Friends
- Family Pets
- Complaints and Worries
Showing Affection
Your care of children should show warmth, friendliness, positive regard and respect. Appropriate physical contact through touch is an important part of any parenting relationship and can show affection and provide comfort. Children and young people need to know how you show affection in your household, e.g. hugging/kissing. It helps the child to know what you tend to do, and also how their views will be respected. Encourage children to let you know if they are feeling uncomfortable or anxious about any forms of physical contact.
Find out as much information as you can about the child’s background and what they have experienced.
Some children will not be comfortable with hugs and kisses, especially when they are new to your household. You will need to check out how they feel, talk with their social worker to discuss what is appropriate for them and form a plan.
How comfortable children feel with physical contact may change as their relationship with you develops and they become more familiar with you and feel part of the family. Don’t avoid physical contact with children at the start of a placement, as this is part of nurturing, but be aware of how to do this in a safe way. It can be good to check with a child if they would like a hug, to sit next to you, or hold your hand.
Avoid play-fighting as this can lead to children who are less able to regulate their own behaviour becoming angry or upset. Equally, tickling games can easily lead to unintended touch of personal areas of the body and the intention can be misunderstood. This can be particularly the case for children who may have been previously subject to physical or sexual abuse.
Guidance on Touch
Consider the meaning of touch for the child. Children may have had particular experiences which make it difficult to accept touch from an adult. Alternatively, their experiences may lead to a need for more touch than others find comfortable or acceptable. Some children are indiscriminate in seeking physical affection through kisses and cuddles from any adult. Support children by appropriate role modelling and provide strategies for alternative ways of relating to others. Be vigilant to safer caring practices.
Ask for information about the child’s background during the placement planning process, including how they respond to touch. Depending on the child’s age and level of understanding, involve them in decision-making. Encourage them to let you know if touch is OK, and when it is not. Children and young people should learn that they can say no to the offer of a hug or any other form of physical contact, including from their foster parents.
Within the home, use touch as a positive and safe way of communicating affection, warmth, acceptance and reassurance. It is important, however, to know the boundaries for individual children within the foster home. The child’s Individual Risk Assessment and Plan will actively support and inform strategies in providing a safe approach to touch.
Key Considerations
- The child’s relationship with the adult. What does the adult represent to the child? Does the child like the adult and feel safe with them?
- Factors that influence the power relationship between adult and child, including gender, race, disability, age, sexual identity and role status.
- Religious and cultural factors.
- The impact of abuse experiences – Children may be suspicious or fearful of touch, and need. This is not to say that children who have experienced abuse should not be touched; it may be beneficial for the child to know different, safer and more reliable adults who will not use touch as a form of abuse.
- Where is it appropriate to touch the child? This will vary, but generally speaking it is acceptable to touch children’s hands, arms and shoulders. It may be appropriate to hug or cuddle children, or carry or give them ‘piggy backs’. No part of the body should be touched if it were likely to generate sexual feelings on the part of the adult or child.
- The context of touch – what message is being given to the child?
- The intention should be to positively and safely communicate affection, warmth, acceptance and reassurance.
- Touch should not feel patronising or intrusive. Also, a fleeting or clumsy touch may confuse a child and cause them to feel uncomfortable or distressed. Touch with confidence, and verbalise your affection, reassurance and acceptance, by touching and making positive comments. For example, by touching a child’s arm and saying “Well done”.
- Where children indicate that touch is unwelcome, you should back off and apologise.
The key is for carers to help children experience and benefit from touch, positively and safely; as a way of communicating affection, warmth, acceptance and reassurance.
Photographs and Videos
Taking photos
Taking photographs can provide children and young people with positive records and memories of their time with their foster family. Give children photographs that they can keep themselves, although it is wise to keep a second copy in the event that this may be lost or destroyed. Foster parents often create a photo memory book for young people at the end of placement as a keepsake.
There are no routine restrictions on foster parents taking family pictures of fostered children. You do not need consent for this, although you should make sure that the child or young person is happy for their photograph to be taken. The child may have had bad experiences of photos being taken or be worried about what may happen to them. Take advice from the child’s social worker about whether photos or videos have been part of any past abuse. They may need some reassurance but it is important to always respect the child’s wishes in relation to this. It is important to allow children to say ‘no’. You may also encourage the child to take their own photographs.
N.B. photographs must never be taken of a child or young person who is not fully clothed.
The child’s Placement Plan should also confirm that you can give consent for formal school photographs. These photographs are important to children as part of their life history. You might not, however, be able to consent to other types of photographs if there are confidentiality or safeguarding issues. This can include photographs in school newsletters and local newspapers. The local authority will usually want to make this decision, but should consider the young person’s view. Any restrictions on a child’s photograph or name appearing in the media should be based on good explanations and clearly specified in the placement plan.
Sharing photos
Never post a photograph of a fostered child on social media without the permission of the young person and their local authority, even if their faces have been digitally blurred or otherwise obscured. This includes posting photos in ‘private’ social media groups or forums. Young people with social media accounts can choose to share their own photos, but might need guidance to ensure that they share safely and appropriately.
Take care when sending photographs electronically, e.g. by text message or email. You may be asked to do this by the child’s social worker so that they can share photographs with birth family members. Choose secure online services such as WeTransfer or DropBox. If you are sending large numbers of photographs, and always send photos with secure email options. Google has a secure email option with password protection. WhatsApp is also a secure option. Agree which method you will use with the child’s social worker.
Extended Family and Friends
As well as becoming part of your family, the children in your care will also develop relationships with members of your family, and some of your friends when you visit each other or meet for social events. You need to notify ISP of any regular visitors to your home as we may need to conduct safety checks, depending on the frequency of their visits, whether they have unsupervised contact with the children, and if they stay overnight. Please see our guidance about regular overnight visitors:
Our general principle is that you remain responsible for the safeguarding of children in your care and ensuring that your Household Safer Care Plan is followed by everyone. Visitors should not have unsupervised contact with the children unless the appropriate safeguarding checks have been obtained, and must not have childcare responsibility for the children unless this has been agreed with ISP and the child’s local authority.
Family Pets
Pets bring many benefits to all members of a fostering household, and can be a great “icebreaker” for new children. However, some children and young people may be fearful of animals, and need you to ensure they are safe and comfortable. Some children will be unfamiliar with animals, and unaware of how to care for a pet safely, while others may be cruel to animals. Always remain vigilant about the safety of children and young people, and the welfare of the pet.
Provide children with clear guidance on who is responsible for pets, e.g. for feeding, exercising and disposing of any animal faeces or bedding. Children should never be responsible for the care and wellbeing of pets without adult direction and supervision. Always avoid leaving young children alone with animals.
Read our health and safety chapter about pets.
Read our policy and guidance relating to pets
Complaints and Worries
Encourage children in your care to tell you if they are unhappy, worried or would like you to do something differently.
Listen and try to resolve any issues with them, if necessary along with their social worker.
Let them know that they are also able to tell their own social worker or ISP staff if they have any complaints or worries, and they will have a copy of the complaints procedure, provided in their “Welcome to ISP” leaflet. Any allegations or complaints made by the child or other persons will need to be dealt with according to our policy and procedures.
See our Complaints Procedure for Children & Young People.
Read more about our complaints procedure in Part 4 of the Foster Parent Handbook.
